We’re incredibly passionate about the health and wellness of our employees here at the Havas Lynx Group, which is why we have an abundance of clubs and classes to keep everyone fit and healthy. Here, we’ve collated some of our touch rugby team’s (creative) match reports to give you an insight into their 2019 season. 

Week One: Lynx Lions vs. Scraping The Barrel

A warning.

Wake not a sleeping lion. The ancient proverb states.

Alas, they did not heed this warning. 1-6 the result. A loss. A Lion awakes.

 

Wake not a sleeping lion. The ancient proverb states.

It is safer to leave things as they are.

We warn you.

 

Did you not notice the young adolescent males.

Always stirring. Always moving.

Their energy, boundless. Their determination, never ending.

They watched you through the undergrowth.

Then suddenly, Matt would burst through – unexpected, stealthy, bold.

Ben fizzes around. Back, forth. This way. That way. Unpredictable. Untouchable.

 

You did not tire them. You have their attention now.

We warn you.

Wake not a sleeping lion.

 

Did you notice the hunger in those old grizzled males, with their varied states of maine.

Their lithe strength comes from hunger.

They are hungry. Oh, so hungry.

You can run at Tom, but you cannot make him budge.

Jonny is not intimidated by your displays – he is stronger than you.

Harry dares you to go around him – he is faster than you.

And Bobby. Bobby got his blood. He got his score. He wants, more.

 

They’ve tasted your blood now., and they are hungry.

We warn you.

Wake not a sleeping lion.

 

We warn you about our majestic Lionesses.

Did you not see how they stalk you.

Track you.

Watch you.

You move right, Elleni is there.

You dive left, Nic is in front of you.

You dart to escape, and Jess drives you back.

We warn you of their majesty, their grace, their deadliness.

 

They have your scent now.

Wake not a sleeping lion.

 

The lion, majestic, mighty, proud and strong.

There are more Lions in this pride.

More, waking, stretching, readying themselves for the hunt.

They do not like being woken.

 

You will regret not letting sleeping lions lie.

They are awake now, and they are coming.

 

Week Two: Lynx Lions vs. Terracotta Warriors

Straight Outta Burnage

Hey yo!

Here we go!

It’s that time of the week –

When the lions start their mission

In the touch rugby league

 

Now you might think touch

just sounds a bit yewtree –

But no, see

you need skill

and tenacity

(as-well-as-the-ability

to-score-tries-very-frequently)

 

So who are we?

Lions!

and we play with style

We got game

We got guile

We got a squad of talent

We got some t-shirts

That are appropriately branded

 

So first game then –

Terracotta Warriors

Terror got them worrying

Lions gonna

de-stroy them –

Claw them

Maul them

Put them to the floor and

Trample their remains

Into a sawdust

(Woah)

 

Step up!

Harry Sharman,

Raising the bar, man

El-capitan, he’s the man with the plan –

(Word)

Throwing out dummies

like a ventriloquist

Scoring a try

just for the thrill of it

 

But oh snap!

Warriors

Have taken the lead

Are the lions having that?

Oh no indeed!

An attack

down the middle

From Rhys and Ben

We got Damo (oh yeah)

A daemon on the wing

He scores two tries

to make the scores even

 

3 – 3

at the half

Need a battleplan

Can the lions dig in?

Yes they can

 

Hugh – hail Hugh!

(Who doesn’t need to bulk up)

Gliding past defenders

So they have to call ‘touch’

(That’s right)

just watch –

he has the eyes

of an eagle

and this man

can swan dive

through the eye of a needle

 

So that’s a try!

Boom!

Hell yeah!

4 to 3!

The eyes of the lions fill up with glee

They’re not done though

Oh no

Looking alive

Sam switching

Jonny passing

And Tom makes it five

 

That’s it!

5 – 3!

Lions let out a roar

First win of the season

And got a taste for more

 

But this week

It was the girls

Who stole the show

Maddie – Phoebe – Essie – Jess

Outdid all the rest

Oh yes! they’re the best!

When it comes to fitness

The girls were playing rugby

While the boys were drinking Guinness

 

And for those of y’all

Who’ve skipped

to the end

Can’t be arsed to read

This report I’ve penned

Don’t worry

all good

I’ll sum it up in a flash –

In three straight words

TERRACOTTA GOT SMASHED

 

Week 7: Lynx Lions vs. Scraping the Barrel

An ode to Lynx Lions:

 

We’ve built something special, with the Lynx Lions team,

Playing with you all each week is my touch rugby dream.

 

A team of pure talent, from playmakers through to strike runners,

Imagination and flair allows us to score some stunners.

 

We were so good in the group stage, they created a new league,

We will now play in the Premiership, with drama and intrigue.

 

Some new opponents to fight and foes to slay,

We knew we’d have to step-up now and really play.

 

So we were confident going to play Scraping The Barrel,

And that confidence sharpened after seeing their terrible pink apparel.

 

We played as a team, united in our attack,

Nothing could stop our will. No one could hold us back.

 

‘They are too good’, the Barrel’s exclaimed during the fight,

’Their attack is too good, and our defence is really shite’

 

With determined drives and flare that made us score,

When the half-time whistle came, we had already had four.

 

All four of our tries had come from different players,

A united team of individuals with multiple layers.

 

We were playing so well our expectations had already been exceeded,

So at half-time we felt 2 minutes was all the rest we needed.

 

Like an unspoken rule, each try had to travel through all sets of hands,

For this reason the Lynx Lions have armies of fan(s).

 

We kept piling on the points, and showing how well we can play,

And this set the scene for the try of the day.

 

We drove down the middle, pushing them back down the pitch,

Hugh was setting up something special with a lovely dummy-switch.

 

Last play of the game, and Hugh is starting to gloat,

A smile crosses his face as he shouts ‘All aboard the show-boat’.

 

He spins the ball around his body, as each defender tries to get him,

We might as well look great he says, as we seal the win.

 

Four defenders are beaten from this Michael Jordan style move,

Rhys scores on the end of this ridiculous winning groove.

 

Game, set and match – The Lions win – 7 to 4,

Something special happened today, a performance from the top draw.

 

More than the sum of our parts, we played as a team.

And that is why I say Wednesday’s are my Touch Rugby dream.